The "What Ifs of Love" Part 2

There are a lot of ways that we can disrespect or dishonor our husbands so this is by no means an exhaustive list. Some are ideas that Gail had listed and other's are my own ideas. Some are thought provoking questions to ask yourself to see where your heart lies. It is truly my heart's desire to honor Him and him. I know I fail every day, but I am asking the Lord to show me very specific ways that I am not showing respect the instant that I do it and then helping me to confess and make things right by apologizing and yielding to Joey and ultimately to the Lord.

1. Is your focus in your marriage on what you need or want?

2. How often do you think about what your husband needs or wants?

3. How much time do you spend wishing your husband would change?

4. Do you interrupt, talk for, or correct your husband in conversation either alone or in front of others?

5. Do you usually believe you are right when you and your husband are discussing problems and solutions?

6. When was the last time you asked your husband how you could bless him?

7. When was the last time you asked your husband if there's anything he'd like for you to change?

8. How much time in a day do you spend praying for your husband?

9. Do you thank God for giving you a husband?

10. When was the last time you thanked your husband for something he is or does?

11. When was the last time you complimented your husband in front of others?

12. How do you talk about your husband to your children? To your relatives? To your friends?

13. How much time in a day do you spend nagging your husband? If you ask more than once, it's nagging.

14. How do you speak to your husband in private, in front of others or in front of your children? Is your tone one of sweetness, kindness, and gentleness?

15. Do you belittle him by teasing him, making fun of him, or mocking him about areas he is sensitive about?

16. Do you succumb to his ideas more than you do your own?

17. Do you seek ways you need to change yourself or is your focus more on changing your husband?

18. Do you teach your children to honor, respect, and submit to Daddy? They will learn by watching you.

19. Who can you change?

20. Who are you ultimately serving?

Ultimately we can only change ourselves and we serve the Lord Jesus. By honoring and respecting our husbands, we in turn honor and respect the Lord and the opposite is also true. I would by lying if I told you I get an A+ for doing all of these right all the time, but my heart desires to improve. I hope yours does the same.

I will post next time on specific way we can show respect. If you have any ideas as well, feel free to share them. I know I can always use new ideas.

Convicted Read

I am always blessed by Kerry Hasenbalg's wisdom and admonishement and this particular post did it for me. I was convicted and encouraged and wanted to share it with my readers. I know if you continue reading you will be encouraged too. If you can sit down and read several chapters in a really good book then you can read this post. No guilt intended :) I admit I am guilty of doing what she describes in her post and sometimes I need a strong rebuke instead of gentle chiding to remind me that I fall so short. Hope it blesses and encourages you. "Lord, change my heart O God. Make it ever true. Change my heart O God. May I be like You."

Honoring God at Christmas

"They act so pious! They come to the temple and seem delighted to learn all about me. They act as a righteous nation that would never abandon the laws of its God. They ask me to take action on their behalf, pretending they want to be near me. 3 ‘We have fasted before you!’ they say.‘Why aren’t you impressed?We have been very hard on ourselves, and you don’t even notice it!’ “I will tell you why!” I respond. “It’s because you are fasting to please yourselves. Even while you fast, you keep oppressing your workers. What good is fasting when you keep on fighting and quarreling? This kind of fasting will never get you anywhere with me. " Isaiah 58:2-4


As Christmas is approaching, it seems that many Christian households are again seeking to know how to honor God and set tradition examples for their children to follow. Very often the holiday traditions we learned when we were young are the ones we continue to practice to this day. I am really impressed when I see Christian families seeking to serve and give to the needy more than having the holiday season focused on just the receiving of gifts. This is a good example.

But what I believe the Lord has really placed on my heart this year is something I have never thought much about in connection to the holiday season. It is based on the discussion recorded in Isaiah 58 between God and His people about what kind of holiday celebration actually pleases the Lord. And it begins first with an indictment of their false piety. Thinking they are honoring God but in fact dishonoring Him with their lack of genuine love for others.

So, if you are still reading, I am going to ask you to join me in searching your hearts to see how you might be dishonoring the Lord and how to begin honoring the Lord truly. First let us ask God to show us how we are pretending to love Him (fooling ourselves even) and yet continuing to oppress those we have power over? And second to show us how we have a quarreling spirit against the people God has placed in our lives.

Because if we really want to please God and want Him to be close to us, then we have no choice but to know and repent of these things hiding in our hearts. The houses, the churches, the workplace, and the fellowship circles of most Christians is filled with “secret” contempt for one another. And it is so terribly displeasing to the Lord and it keeping God’s mercy and power far from us! In this section of Isaiah, it talks about how the Lord refuses to answer the prayers of His people because of these hidden things. I don’t know about you, but I desperately want God to answer my prayers. If you have things you need God to help you with then please join me as we ask ourselves, who have we cut off in our hearts because of petty offenses? Who have we spoken ill of and justified in our hearts for doing so? Who’s reputations have we harmed that are part of our own God-ordained environments…our churches, our offices, our homes, our fellowships. How are we pretending in public that they are our “friends” but still continue to think and speak ill of them to those closest to us?

And why are we doing this? Primarily we do this because we think we are better! Well, we are not! Most likely, somewhere along the line, we have offended others similarly and we don’t even realize it. We think these people should be more honoring to us, but how honoring are we to them really. Perhaps we have unspoken expectations of them that they have not met. Let’s get some perspective…who’s expectations have we not met? Our parents? Our spouse’s? Our co-worker’s? Our boss’s? Our friends? If we desire mercy, we must first give mercy, right?!
Most often when I am offended, I chose not to go to the person directly and address the issue as the Lord has asked His people to do in the book of Matthew. And I am ashamed to say that I am too often willing to speak about it to others and not to that person directly. Venting is not Biblical! It is so wrong; and this does not honor God at all - and what's more it is harmful to our lives, our souls, and our relationship to God.

What about if we are sharing the situation because we are seeking godly counsel about the situation;, is it OK to talk about it in these cases? Well, it is critically important to understand your own motive in sharing with another. First, make sure you are only talking to someone who is willing to speak to your sin first and still expects you to go to that person directly if you are not the one entirely at fault! Christians rarely talk about their own sin…yet we love talking about the sins of others though, don’t we?! We are so unwilling to address how the real issue is that our pride has been offended. Often our anger towards others is based on our setting these others up to honor us (which is idolatry…us being the intended idol) and them being upset because they fail to meet our expectations of them. Often it is because we are angry that they can get away with their sin (which is jealousy because we want to get away with ours as well). And often it is because their personality or way of acting simply annoys us (this too is often jealousy - because we usually don’t like people with our similar giftings because we feel replaced by them…and we think we can fulfill the role better than them).

So, if we are unwilling to see our sin of pride and yet continue to praise the Lord while holding on to our secret contempt towards our brethren, then this is what makes us true hypocrites! We look pious with our hands raised in church or by serving the needy, all the while we harbor resentment and justify it in our hearts! This is hypocrisy. But until we are willing to see that we are hypocrites, we will not change and we will lack God's full blessing in the things we care about. God detests these things just as He detested them with the Israelites.

Are you a pretender too? You are if you are holding a grudge against your brother or sister! And as for people over whom you have power such as workers or those with less wordly influence, do you honor them the same as you would your own flesh? No matter how much we give to the Poor and needy, just like Paul said, it means nothing if we refuse to really LOVE!

Please dear brothers and sisters in the Lord, forgive and love. Speak the truth to men as to God. Do not be afraid to see your own sin…because this why Jesus died, to remove all the sin that we give to Him in confession. Go do something very, very kind to the one whom you have been offended by. Honor them; honor their reputation. Because someday God will make sure the same is done for you when you don’t deserve it either! It is Christmas after all! We want to teach our children the true meaning of Christmas right?! Unless we love through forgiveness and being humble and honest with our brethren, all our other Christmas traditions really do not honor God and it profits our souls nothing! So, let’s all stop pretending to honor God and begin really honoring God! For this will give the One whose Birthday we are celebrating after all - a Very Merry Christmas! And I promise that what you will find is that your soul will be merry as well!

Perspecitve Makes All The Difference

Every creature of God is given something that could be called an "inconvenience" depending on your perspective. The elephant his trunk, the turtle his shell, a man's phlegmatic (laid back, lost to the world) personality, a women's height, etc. What seems like an obvious mistake God must have made, which of course He never does, was thought out before the foundation of the world. Sometimes in our flesh don't we wonder why He created things the way He did and with purpose He had in mind when He did?

I have often asked God why He created me with such a perfectionistic, Type A, over-achiever personality. "Wouldn't it be better Lord if I was more shy, laid back (I can be at times believe it or not,) sloppy, and unconcerned?" "Surely I wouldn't care as much what people think and wouldn't be constantly pulling my foot out of my mouth." Right? Can God possibly use someone that fits the first description? "God, can you use me in spite of what seems like an obvious glitch in my personality?" According to Psalm 139, "He created my inmost being." Guess what? That's my personality, my makeup, my individuality...who I am. You or I can't change it (I've tried) and try as you might to fight against it (doesn't work) you are who you are!!

The Lord calls all "kinds" to use for His purposes; Type A's, Type B's, cholerics, phlegmatics, the unorganized, the lets-label-and-have-a-bin-for-everything kind of people, the short, the skinny, the overweight woman, the feisty red head. Aren't we all part of the body and don't we need each other? Who do you call when you need a project done fast and done right? The organized Type A's. Who do the project people call when they are stressed out and about to be admitted? The Type B's so they can encourage them and say, "Hey, don't stress, it will get done...chill!" Or will it get done, lol!?!

The Lord God made you and me EXACTLY the way He wanted and with a very determined purpose in mind. He can use you... warts and all. Believe me, if He can use me, He can use you if you would be willing to fall under His leadership in your life. Instead of griping and complaining about the way we are, let us thank the Lord today for His work in our life. I do like the old saying,

Lord, grant me the grace to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.

With His help, we can change those things about ourselves that can be changed (using kind words, thoughtfulness, hard working, dependability, weight etc.), but let's be content with what we can't (height, face shape, body shape, Type A vs. Type B.) All things do really work together for our good and His glory! Let's praise Him for that today. I will end this by telling you a story.

Gladys Aylward, the missionary woman to China has often told of two great sorrows she had as a child. One, that while all her friends had beautiful golden hair, hers was black. The other that while her friends were still growing, she stopped. She was about four feet ten inches tall. But when as last she reached the country to which God had called her to be a missionary, she stood on the wharf in Shanghai and looked around at the people to whom He had called her.
"Every single one of them," she said, "had black hair. And every single one of them had stopped growing when I did. And I said, 'Lord God, You know what you're doing!'"

Perspectives

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." Corinthians 4:17-18

I've been reading through 2 Corinthians and was in chapter 4 yesterday. As I was meditating on these particular verses, I asked God to show me what it really means to have an eternal perspective. It's complicated. I'm not used to looking through EP (eternal perspective) eyes in how it relates to my day. I'm not even sure I know how to write about it either, but I will give it a shot.

It began on Monday when I was having lunch with my friend Candy. We were discussing them leaving next year (they will be missionaries to the Philippines) and what they will be bringing with them and what they will be storing, etc. Since the cost of shipping is so expensive, they have to be very limited on what they can take with them. They will have a few boxes shipped with absolute necessities (undergarments, her BOSCH of course, lol, clothes, etc.) and then Josh will ship his tools for him to maintenance the airplanes, but other than a few boxes, they are selling EVERYTHING. Yes, you heard me, EVERYTHING. They will store nothing, unless it has some family significance, but will sell everything. They are going with a few boxes and nothing else.
I told her, "Just think of the stuff you have accumulated over your last five years of marriage, plus the stuff you brought with you to the marriage, and your selling everything?"

As I looked around my house yesterday, I couldn't imagine having to sell ALL of my stuff. I mean we have stuff everywhere...closets, out buildings, stuff everywhere. After almost ten years of marriage, we have a lot. Things that don't necessarily have any family importance, but things I just like or enjoy looking at. Wow! Where exactly are my eyes? Now, there's nothing wrong with having stuff, but when the stuff becomes your focus instead of people, your eyes are off focus. God hasn't called me to sell my things, but He did show me yesterday that I have too much stuff and that is was time to rid out! I am not a pack rat and I hate clutter! I normally don't let things just lay around forever, but rather I get rid of it if I hadn't used in say over a year. But we are outgrowing our house because I think we still have too much stuff. I love simplicity, but sometimes I don't want to do what it takes to live that way. I love my stuff!! I love my dishwasher, washer/dryer, my BOSCH, and my stove. All of these things make life easier so I don't regret having these things, but it's the other stuff I'm referring to.

How many toys do kids really need? Think about it. Kids today are absolutely spoiled! They don't play with half the toys they have. Most kids have a few favorites and could care less about the other things. People even have separate rooms to house the toys. The children on Little House on the Prairie were content to have a homemade doll to play with and that's about all they had. They were creative and made their own toys. They played outside building tree houses, playing two-a-cat (baseball,) chase, hide and go seek,swimming, etc. They didn't have tons of toys to entertain them. I'm not against toys by no means. Little toddlers obviously can't build tree houses or play baseball, but they can play with plastic bowls, wooden spoon, pots and pans, and tupperware. A few months ago I bought Libby a toy that sticks on her her highchair thinking she would love it, but she could care less about it. She would rather play with my tupperware bowls and pilfer in my cabinets. Fine by me. Saves me money and she's content. She does have a few toys that she is interested in, which is totally ok, but I don't want toys in excess. A few things that she likes, but that's all. We don't have a play room or an attic or a storage building in which to house all her things, so therefor it keeps us from accumulating too much.

How much kitchen stuff do I really need? I began going through my kitchen cabinets this week and have gotten rid of a ton of stuff. I realized I didn't need ten plastic mixing bowls, six glass serving bowls with lids, two crock pots, two roasters, three sets of dishes, plastic cups galore, six pitchers, six 9x13 pans, three crystal bowls that I never use, and a bunch of odds and ends. I kept the necessities and what I thought I would need even for a crowd and took the rest to a consignment shop. I felt better, but my cabinets are still full...just not jam packed like they were before.

I am going through closets and getting rid of a lot of stuff...to me it's a lot. I am tired of stepping over it or getting lost in my closet and not being able to find my way out. It feels good to declutter my life a bit. I have a ways to go, but I'm getting there. Hospice and RR, here I come.

A determining point for me to see if I have an EP, is I ask myself, "If my house burnt down tomorrow, would I mourn my things?" Some things I would like my pictures, my Bible, and other things that have family value to me, but what about the other things? I read somewhere that said if you would, you still have an earthly perspective. I'm not there yet I confess.

Our neighbor's mother passed away on Monday and she had five children, 38 grandchildren, and I'm not sure how many great-grandchildren. She was 85 and has left such a legacy! One women's life gone, but what she has left behind will be remembered always. What kind of vision do we have for future generations? Are we leaving behind a life of character, integrity, dignity, honor, and perseverance to our children, or is our vision skewed and our focus on the here and now and what we can do to gratify ourselves? Only what's done for Christ will last! I want to leave a rich heritage for my children, my grandchildren, and for future generations. The things I do for and with Libby now will impact her children, my grandchildren. It's not just about me. How I teach her, train her, love her, and guide her will impact future generations of my family. When I pray for her I pray also for future generations that will come that they will know Christ and make Him known. I want a legacy that will be remembered. We don't have much material wise when you compare us to some, but we are rich compared to others. I want to make memories that last a lifetime. Mimi was telling me yesterday what a wonderful childhood she had growing up. Wonderful, godly parents, siblings galore to play with, special memories with extended family, and yet they didn't have much material wise to speak of. Those things she doesn't remember much, just the sweet precious memories of growing up. Her parents left her with a legacy.

I have just touched the surface of this. There is so much more that can be discussed. I just want to be more available to be used by the Lord, have more time for my family, be ALL that He wants me to be and not be bogged down with junk that can take up so much of my time.

"O God, open eyes to see where I'm deceived and help me to fix my eyes on you and to see things the way you do so that there's no room for anything to crowd my vision and to get me off focus."

My rant for this week is: NO MORE CLOSET CLUTTER!


If you have any comments, I would love to hear your perspective. Such a rich topic.