My, I can't believe it's already been one week since Libby's surgery. This time last Thursday I was anxious, yet at peace. I knew the only way I could be doing that well was through the prayers of God's people going up on our behalf. I knew in my flesh I would be a nervous wreck! Yes, I was concerned, but I knew she would be ok because the Great Physician was in the OR! I knew He was holding her when I couldn't.
As I reflect over the last seven months of our journey, I am awed and amazed and overcome at God's provision and His faithfulness to us. He orchestrated the timing, the right doctors, the right hospital, and the right "everything." I didn't always have the right spirit, but God in His mercy loved me anyway right where I was at. I would go to Him with my questions, my concerns, my doubts, my fears, and yes at times, my anger. "Why us O Lord?" I felt like He was somehow picking on us and dragging us through yet another trial. But instead of saying, "Why me?" I started saying, "Why not us?" Why do I think I'm so special that God wouldn't allow us to walk through suffering with Him. Isn't it through the fires of adversity that we grow? It's not through the sunny days of life when all is well that we become more like Christ.
Has He not called us to a life of suffering? The Christian walk is all about life yes, but it's also about death. We are called daily to take up our cross and follow Him and to crucify ourselves with Christ. If we are to become like Him in this life then we are to become like Him in His death. Oh, I'm not saying it's easy. Believe me it's not easy. I want it to be sometimes...ok, well all the time, but let's face it, it's not reality if we are followers of Christ.
All of us experience negative circumstances; some of you are even walking through fiery trials right now. They may not seem huge compared to someone's elses, but we all have our issues. My prayer is now, "God, don't let my pain be wasted. Use it to conform me to Your image. Use it to teach me how to be content." Let the Lord be the Blessed Controller. Surrender. Accept His timing. Accept His ways. Accept His outcome. We have a choice to make. Will we make the choices that honor Christ. Though no one sees how difficult they are, He does. O God, help us to be more like You in living and yes, even in dying.