Saturday, September 13, 2008

Turning Over a New Leaf

**update...I wrote this on Saturday and it's Tuesday, so it was seven days before I weighed again.**

I haven't weighed in five days.

For those that know me well know this is a big deal for me. I have weighed every day for the past three years and have written it down in a weight journal along with my exercise routine I did for that day, i.e., Pilates, walke, rode my bike, etc. I also included "other" categories in my journal, but I won't bore you with those details:)

When my weight loss journey began, so began my weigh in every day. Now I know this goes against Weight Watchers, which I used to do, but it has always kept me accountable to weigh every day so see my progess daily. I empty out my bladder, strip down to bare nothing because you know that pair of windshorts can add an ounce to the scale,lol, and then weigh first thing in the morning on my scale that sits in my's the only place that's not carpeted mind you.

For those of you that don't struggle with your weight (you people make me sick, ha) then you would never get why someone such as I would go to such great lengths to keep their weight off. I can look at a cheeseburger and gain 10 pounds, while there are those out there who shall remain nameless, that have to drink Ensure just to pack on the calories and they can drink as many Dr.Pepper's as they want and never gain an ounce of fat...How disgusting...and you won't get any sympathy from me :) It can be very frustrating at times when you felt like you worked really hard that day only to see you've gained 2 pounds since yesterday.

I admit it has been an obsession with me...a form of idolatry that has me consumed. If you were as overweight as I was...actually, medically speaking I was obese..., then you might have also done the same thing. I somehow wanted to guarantee that I wouldn't gain it all back, so weighing was my accountability partner so to speak. BTW, I haven't gained a pound back, but I have 15 left too that seem to really like their home and don't want to give up their warmth.

Back to my story. I woke up last Tueday morning after having weighed the day before and just said, "I am not going to weigh today." Joey said, "Excuse me, you always weigh." "I know, but it has me consumed and I know I obsess about it way too much, so no more." That's it. I didn't weigh in until yesterday and I lost 6 ounces. Honestly, it was so freeing for me not to weigh. To not have to stress out every morning because I saw I had gained 1 pound. I will say that the gain never did lead me to do anything foolish such as skipping meals or purging. I usually binge but somehow forget to purge. hahaha.

I wanted to be like Paul and not be mastered by anything.

I was mastered.

I wanted moderation in all things.

I was consumed.

I wanted freedom from the stress, the worry, the anxiety that it was causing.

I will still weigh every week, but I don't want it to consume me anymore. My weight will always be a struggle because of the genes I inherited, but I want to have a healthy balance. I want the Lord to reveal sin in my life that I have let control my thoughts, my actions, and that I have let take His rightful place.

Idolatry is sin.

Maybe it's not weight for you. It could be money, music, relationships, your children (ouch!), fads, etc. Whatever the issue, take it to the Lord and ask him to set you free from the bondage those things can create. They may not be bad things, but they can distort reality and cause us to fix our eyes on them rather than the Creator.

I am not there yet, so pray for me to have moderation, balance, and freedom in that area.

BTW, I have 68 pounds total.


Wendy said...

You are a wise woman :) I am excited about your new found freedom.

Hey, I'm with you on forgetting to purge after I binge, lol.

Enjoyed our visit yesterday :)